I farm, organically. Not just the food is organic. My life has become organic, in a way I never had when I lived in cities.
In cities, I gave my life it's purpose and meaning. Filling role after role as was required of me, I felt fine in this process.
Then, one day, I looked around at my life and found that, despite having all the advantages and resources anyone could ask for, despite being "independent' and free to do as I chose, I was not pleased. I was not happy. I was also not unhappy.
What I felt was disaffection; from my wonderful life, from the ease with which I managed what others had difficulty with. My wonderful life was actually just a past time. I did what i did because I had felt it was a way of helping out, of being in the world and of commenting in a meaningful way. It had become second nature. Then I began thinking about my first nature. My nature.
One day, in considering all I had and was, I realized I was not living my life. Despite all my ability to choose, I was just a large primate, kept in a cage with a small area for recreation and range. The electives I chose were offered by the city. Boats flowed naturally from the fact of the city's canals, auto-free transport was easy and bicycles were normal. Such 'choices" arise quite naturally from the environment where one lives. So little choice, it seemed.
I began to see that all that was good about my life was actually a function of living where I lived, doing what I did, being who I thought I was. There was no foundation to my life. It was circumstantial and positional.
This struck me as ironic, at first. Afterall, most of my urban friends and acquaintances would die for the life I was living. They pointed out how well we lived, how we had free time to do what we pleased, resources so that we never suffered want. In all this, I saw only that my wife and I were very fortunate and had benefited from our plans...
But it had ceased to be a land of milk and honey, it no longer satisfied and the ease of it upset me at times. Too much convenience is not a good thing. But our life appeared set in stone and no plans were in the works to change it. But somehow, the seed had already been planted.
In cities, I gave my life it's purpose and meaning. Filling role after role as was required of me, I felt fine in this process.
Then, one day, I looked around at my life and found that, despite having all the advantages and resources anyone could ask for, despite being "independent' and free to do as I chose, I was not pleased. I was not happy. I was also not unhappy.
What I felt was disaffection; from my wonderful life, from the ease with which I managed what others had difficulty with. My wonderful life was actually just a past time. I did what i did because I had felt it was a way of helping out, of being in the world and of commenting in a meaningful way. It had become second nature. Then I began thinking about my first nature. My nature.
One day, in considering all I had and was, I realized I was not living my life. Despite all my ability to choose, I was just a large primate, kept in a cage with a small area for recreation and range. The electives I chose were offered by the city. Boats flowed naturally from the fact of the city's canals, auto-free transport was easy and bicycles were normal. Such 'choices" arise quite naturally from the environment where one lives. So little choice, it seemed.
I began to see that all that was good about my life was actually a function of living where I lived, doing what I did, being who I thought I was. There was no foundation to my life. It was circumstantial and positional.
This struck me as ironic, at first. Afterall, most of my urban friends and acquaintances would die for the life I was living. They pointed out how well we lived, how we had free time to do what we pleased, resources so that we never suffered want. In all this, I saw only that my wife and I were very fortunate and had benefited from our plans...
But it had ceased to be a land of milk and honey, it no longer satisfied and the ease of it upset me at times. Too much convenience is not a good thing. But our life appeared set in stone and no plans were in the works to change it. But somehow, the seed had already been planted.
